DIFFICULTY OF BREATHING. During this week, I encountered many somewhat traumatic experiences. Thinking about it now... It still scares me to think about just how close I really was to death. It was just a few feet away, and I guess that if I hadn't been in the right place at the right time, I think that the chance of me writing this to you now would be near to impossible.

So this is what it feels like when the nurse becomes the patient.. Never did I imagine that I needed so much help in such a short period of time. It was through this experience I discovered the beauty of therapeutic communication, and that it's more than a topic they teach in PHC1. It helped, probably even more so than the oxygen that was blowing through my nostrils. Just knowing that someone there helps even if they don't say anything.

The entirety of it all made me realize two things:
1) What are you doing with your Life?
2) Are you truely content to the point that...if you don't wake up tomorrow (knock-on-wood) would you still be confident in leaving everything behind?

I Realized. That for the longest time I have been taking for granted the ones who love me. The ones that really care. Not the people I'm with everyday, but the ones who stay in the background, the support, the onesyou don't need to explain to when you don't show up to their birthday party because you know that they understand the kind of life you live. Realizing this brought tears to my eyes; It's like I've been a monster for so long. This is a mistake I've been making that I will try to the best of my ability to correct. And one day I hope I'll get better, and even if I'm won't...I hope that I can make up to them with the time I have left.

Unfinished Business. There's a saying from Benjamin Franklin, and in his words I believe he said "leave not what you can to today, tomorrow." or Something along the lines of that. Time. One of my biggest problems, a thing which is shapeless and untouchable yet sacred. You need it, they need it, and I need it. It helps us measure the spaces within intervals in which we need to do what we need to do. I haven't been doing everything I've supposed to do...God Speaks To Us in Ordinary ways, through the people we meet and know along the pathways of our life, and I've always felt in my heart that when I was a little girl, He spoke to me through my grandmother when she said "Joeanne, always help those in need." For the longest time, I admit, I have been selfish. I haven't been doing what I know is my mission in life. I HAVE to change. And Change, I will..

I will...

...Spend more time with true friends and family
...Learn to Love Others unbiasedly
...Listen to those who speak
...Help Those in Need
...Leave all my unhealthy vices behind
...Take time to thank the Lord for the graces he has given
...Study harder to become a competent nurse
...Be more practical and Down to Earth
...Stop focusing on my ruined love life and live again
...Try new experiences
...Learn from my mistakes and try not to repeat them

I hope that in time, these things may come true